Life Sucks

Short, sweet, and to the point. Well almost 2 months since my last blog and a lot can happen in 2 months. Actually a lot can happen in one day too. Beth-chan came down the second week of August and we had so much fun. (We must do that again very soon.) We watched so much anime, but I'm still pissed she took off without letting me finish Utena cause I had to download crappy quality episodes off KaZaA and finnish it myself and I'm still confuzzled about a couple things. @_@

Then my friends Wanda and Jen came up from Georgia the 17th and just left Saturday. We went and saw Martina McBride in concert at Belterra Casino in Vevay, IN which is pretty much in the middle of nowhere. Regardless, it was an awesome concert and we 3 even got to go down right front and center during her encore as a special treat since the casino workers knew they'd came all the way from Georgia. Martina even bent down and posed for a picture with all 3 of us all while singing "Natural Woman" and never missing a beat! WOW!

For those who knew I was actually happy there for a few weeks because of Scott, I'm depressingly single already. Basically he gave me the line I hear everytime. "Blah blah, you're a great guy. Blah blah, I just don't like you that way. Blah blah, it's nothing you did. Blah blah, I still wanna be friends." I'm so sick of hearing that line it isn't even funny. When will my star come.....?

To add to my already depressing week, my student loan for school hasn't come in yet, so the Business Office removed me from all my classes which were supposed to have started today. Unless I pay for them until the loan comes through, I won't be attending classes this fall, and right now I can't spare an extra $1,200. Yet another obstacle in my journey down the road of life I guess...........

Post Vacation Stress

For those of you that didn't know, I was on vacation last week. I lwas lazy a few days, and I went to visit Beth-chan (aka MarsieFan) in Ohio for a few days for her birthday. That was really fun. Got to see MJ again as well as Pooters (demon cat that just doesn't like me) and we acted like goofballs and just had a great time. We rented a bunch of 80's movies that were cool then, but somehow seemed a little lame now....maybe cause we're older, who knows? But I still really enjoyed it, and I'm so glad I got to go. I got back Friday afternoon, and just called Robert to tell him I was back safe and sound and all that jazz. Well we got through almost 5 minutes of conversation (a new record!) before he had to be an ass and I hung up on him. He called back later that night drunk and acting pretty stupid so we talked a few minutes before I made some stupid excuse to get off the phone. Yesterday I didn't even talk to him at all, and it really didn't bother me either. Am I finally starting to get over him? Hopefully. I guess time will tell. Now that it's Sunday and my vacation is almost over (*sniffle*) I'm starting to come back to the real world and the stress I left. Work starts back tomorrow and all the BS I escaped from. I have to go to class again Tuesday and Thursday nights. Fall registration starts July 15 and I haven't even paid for my summer classes yet. Concert tickets for my most favorite singer Martina McBride go on sale July 29 (her birthday!) and I don't know how I'm gonna be able to pay for those, but I will find a way! I guess I'm going to see about getting a 2nd part-time job at the new WalMart Supercenter they just put up to get caught up financially again and be able to do some of the things I want to. To top it all off, I'm still single, and I know it's not the end of the world or anything, but it's still depressing. Maybe at least now that I think I'm finally starting to get over Robert that won't be as bad. Vacations are wayyyyyy too short, don't you agree?

Beth--thank you as well as MJ for being friends and allowing me to escape my world for a few days. *huggles* You really don't know how much I needed to get away from it all. :)

BZZZZT

Zapped again. I don't know what it is about that cheese. It looks so good from far away, but up close it's all rotten and moldy. So Robert calls me about an hour after I got home from the mall sounding really depressed and asking if I would come get him. (Told ya he'd call me when he wanted something.) So me being the nice guy I am, I go up and see what's going on. Well I get there and he just happens to be sucking face with (guess who) Seth. I kinda figured he was pulling some shit like that and sure enough he didn't prove my hunch wrong. He said they had a fight and that's why he called depressed, but after he calle dthey made up and everything was okay again, and that he didn't do it on purpose so I would have to see them together. (Yeah right, and if you believe that I have some nice oceanfront property in Arizona to sell you.) So he comes back with me to my house and we hang out for a few minutes. Then we go back to his uncle's house for a while. The whole time there, he's teasing me (and I'm not talking name calling here). In the pool (which I wasn't in) he takes off his trunks and just throws them on the side; along with doing other stuff. I finally couldnt take it and had to leave. And when I'm depressed, he calls me a melodramatic queer. Something's just got to change, cause I can't keep this up much longer..........

When will I ever learn?

I'm the mouse in that experiment, you know the one where he gets shocked everytime he goes to grab the piece of cheese? Even though he knows he's going to get hurt after the 20th time, he still tries to grab it. That's me. This morning I talked to Robert and he wanted to hang out. Since he hasn't had time for me the last 3 weeks, I said okay and we agreed to meet at the mall. So he had a friend drop him off and when I get there, he's upstairs playing DDR. We go downstairs and head for WalMart since I needed to get some new shorts for next week's trip to Beth's house. On the way he calls his new boyfriend Seth and Seth informs him that he's on his way to the mall. Robert of course wants to hang out there for a while until Seth gets there so I can 'meet him and see his new haircut.' Well obviously I don't want to see Robert hanging all over Seth and rubbing it in my face, so I say no I don't wanna hang out there. He calls me a dick, and says never to call him again (until he wants something else from me that is...) and says he's staying there whether I do or not. So I leave, and for all I know he's still up there. Don't know how he plans on getting home, nor do I care. I'm just tired of his games and tired of his shit.

Does anyone think I was mean for not wanting to be miserable this afternoon? Because I just don't see it.....

posted by Cloudburst at 3:50 PM

Thursday, June 27, 2002

Goodbye

Kind of a weird title for the first posty in my brand new, shiny, sparkly blog, but that's what I'm going to talk about anyway. Why can't I seem to move on with my life? It's been almost 2 months since Robert dumped me, and he's already on his second boyfriend since then. (For those of you who don't know, and to make a long story short, Robert is an ex and an ass, but for some reason I haven't been able to get over him yet. We still talk on the phone some, though God only knows why.) So anyway every time I talk to him, he has to in some way, shape, or form rub it in that he has a new boyfriend and that he's happy or mentions the sex they had last night, etc, etc, etc. Needless to say it really puts me in a shitty mood. Time and time again I ask him not to make me feel bad by telling me how happy he is, and he says he's sorry when he does, but his sorrys come a dime a dozen. I keep thinking maybe if I could just meet someone decent around here to be happy with it would take my mind off him and help me get over him finally, but I guess that's entirely too much to ask. I can't seem to meet any local guys whose middle name isn't Asshole, Stoner, or Jerk. In some ways, when I was still finding myself and what I wanted things were much easier. It's so incredibly hard knowing exactly what you want in a person and from a relationship and not being able to find it no matter how hard you search. Why does love have to be so blind? Why do I still want someone who I know I can't have? Why do I still want someone who makes me feel so miserable inside? Okay, so I'm only half-way talking about goodbyes, but oh well.

*Hugz Chris* Thank you for your suggestion that I should start a blog. I'm hoping that writing my experiences and feelings down will in some way, shape, or form help me to better understand myself and better deal with what I feel. Maybe everyone else who reads this too will get a better look into my world as well.